i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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