Duck Duck Cougar?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
