she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
