i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
