How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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