I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
