Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
