If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
