I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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