ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
