dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
nutella sex= disaster
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
