Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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