Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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