hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
