I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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