I want to have your abortion
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
