I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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