How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize