so that wasnt chicken after all
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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