the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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