The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
