I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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