She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just googled if crying burns calories
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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