I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
