Just cropdusted the office
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
