We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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