ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
