Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
