Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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