We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize