3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
