she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
