Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
