I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
