I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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