I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
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