I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
