the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
