In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
