I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
