look no pants
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
