did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
