im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
