We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
