He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
