She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
