He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How external is "for external use only"?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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