In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize