1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
