as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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