i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
