Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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