My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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