Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
