we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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