I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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