Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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