i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pants are for mortals
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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