She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
