Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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