Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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