NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
