Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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