Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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