when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
