he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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