I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize