oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
