I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
