im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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