Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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