someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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