News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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