is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
