I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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