So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
