i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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