you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
why does every cop we meet know your name?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
