I wanna bring you to show and tell
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
