Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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