is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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