Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
