You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
