He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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