I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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