He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
