Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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