can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's official drugs can't kill me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm getting married
To pizza
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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