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I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
