Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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