You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
