The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
